2.23 - Spam + Voice + Text

[breakingmyheart]

[Spam for Megamind and Edward Nygma]

[Toshiko is the first to wake up. There's still the lingering taste of buttercream frosting on her tongue. She doesn't remember the last time she ate a cupcake.

Megamind and Edward's pillow fort - ridiculous to Toshiko as an almost aggressively sensible twelve-year-old, now she can barely find it in herself to have an opinion - was designed for one small adult and two children. When they dozed off together it was cosy. Now three adults are tangled up at close quarters and the walls have been forced apart and they're listing alarmingly.

Luckily the ceiling is just blankets and there's some give in them, but moving at all will make the whole thing collapse and that'll wake up the other two. She doesn't really want that happening yet. Like she's just woken up from a good dream and she's wondering that if she drifts off again, her brain will be at the same frequency to let her return to it.

She knows she isn't tired enough to sleep again but she closes her eyes and just soaks it all in.]

[Private to Erik; voice]

Erik, I know...

[There’s a pause. She sounds a bit quiet, a bit lost, but not unemotional. On the contrary, it’s more like there’s too much going on and she’s struggling to keep a lid on it all.]

I know you didn’t do what you did for me.

[You did it for yourself. So you didn’t have to have a little girl's trauma on your conscience.

Though something still lingers. There's no reason not to walk. I - I'd like to see you do it.

He didn't have to say that to her younger self, knowing the older was the one it'd resonate with.]

But -- I want to thank you anyway.

[Private to 'Garrett Hobbs'; text]

You took advantage of me.

[She can't even tell if she's angry.]

Comments

[breakingmyheart]

[She thinks very briefly of making a particular mime to Lisbeth before sloping off to sleep with her. Which was so much easier than this and she wishes she was the sort of person who could just do that, content themselves with things that don't have strings attached.

She likes strings. Even when she feels like they're wrapped around her neck and choking her.]

Yes, it is.

[She takes a deep breath. Since the subject has come up, she can't really just abandon it again.]

...Megamind, you know what my answer is. But I need to be asked, or I need to be told flat out that I'm not going to be asked. I can deal with being told no a lot better than I can deal with not being told.

[And it's entirely possible that he just doesn't get how much power he and Edward have over her right now.]

[megamind]

[ Tosh and Lisbeth; things that Megamind doesn't want to think about, ever, thank you. Alpha was just being Alpha, though-- he knows he's got no place to say anything, which... is why he doesn't let on that he even knows. ]

[ But he realizes what she's asking; is there room enough for all three of us in this. That there could be is even the most wild, out there thing ever. ]

You know this is the stuff that Letters to Penthouse is made up of, you know? And God, I am so glad he was not in the room for that phrase slipping my mouth. [ Megamind isn't a prude, per se, but he prefers people not-- know certain things about him, his upbringing, that he knew about a lot of things long before anyone was supposed to. ] 'So this wonderful woman, my fantastic ex, wants into something with me and my boyfriend...'

[ And then he puts pancake in his mouth before he follows that train of thought too deep into the tunnel there, and chews, swallows. ]

I-- love you. I miss you. I just-- I just can't put any of us in a place where this can go poorly to for the both of you. I want--

--I want--

--I want to see you both walk out of here, under your own volition, and go home, or where-ever it is you're going to go. More than anything. There are days I lay here and go, 'If he leaves the boat, I'm going to, deal or no deal.' And Tosh, I really want my deal.

But for him-- and for you-- I'd say 'no, this is enough', if you both left.

[ And this is what Edward ran away from: that someone is willing to feel that strongly, that much, about him -- or anyone else. ]

So... yes. I wouldn't say I don't want to ask. But I want to be sure-- I don't want to get hurt again.

[ Love is easy. ]

[ Trust is harder. ]

[ But there's a willingness to try again. ]

[breakingmyheart]

[Her mouth twitches at the phrase 'wants into something' because it really does just enforce the way she keeps thinking about this - like they've got something stable, something whole, and she's so lonely and selfish she doesn't care.

But look at them. How stable can it really be?

And then he keeps talking and she pushes the thought to the festering darkness at the back of her mind where those (and many other) sentiments have to live.]

And I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want you to be hurt. I just - I know what I did to you was a mistake. I know that. I know what that road looks like, now, I can avoid it. But...

[But she's scared too. Of him saying yes almost as much as him saying no. And if she isn't even going to be given the chance to redeem herself, to prove she can learn from her mistakes and be better, then what the fuck are any of them doing there?

She glances down at the table.]

Just tell me. When you know. Alright?

[And she mentally pencils in being let down gently in a few days.]

[megamind]

I know you don't. On both counts. And-- I'm glad. [ Because it hurt and he's still dealing with it and it's hard. But God, he misses mornings in the engine room (and those aren't coming back, either) and tech talk over coffee. ]

[ But he reaches out-- to put a hand on her arm, her shoulder, and says, very gently, ]

I've got to talk to him, and then we'll see how this fits. I've never-- this is-- I don't even know how pairbonds work let alone harems. [ Megamind's grin is there, soft at it's edges instead of sharp, warm instead of fierce. He adds some egostroking for himself because he needs it to get through breakfast. ] Relationships are so complicated.

[breakingmyheart]

[She scoffs - harems, Megamind, really - and it cracks her tension a little.]

Yes, they are.

[She finishes her pancake.]

I'm going to go. I'm not running away, I just think we could both benefit from a bit of time and space.

[megamind]

Thank you for making that one clear. With him...

[ He glances at the door. And for a moment it's just all weariness; Toshiko wants back in, he's fairly sure Eddie will leave him when it's convenient for him to do so. L.A. put to rest some fears, but others linger. ]

He can be caring when... he allows himself. But if you give it back, it's... like running up against this wall. And I know why, but it doesn't make it any less hard.

Just-- be prepared for that.

[breakingmyheart]

[It's completely impossible not to think of Owen. She doesn't even try to avoid it. Throwing herself against that brick wall, year after bloody year...

It doesn't mean that she's discouraged. Just that she's forearmed.]

Already am. I...I've been there.

[megamind]

[ At least there'll be Megamind there; who doesn't have walls, he has wide open doors and gives too much. ]

Oh good. Then maybe you can help me deal with it when he's running me up one wall and down the other.

[ Maybe this-- could be good. For all of them. ]

[breakingmyheart]

[And Toshiko herself is a revolving door of too-open and too-closed, so, they're a complementary set. Sort of.]

I can try.

[She stands up, and after cycling through parting gestures in her head she just leans over to touch his arm.]

Thanks for breakfast.

[megamind]

Glad someone enjoyed it. Minion tries so hard.

[ But he gets out of his seat-- he can at least be gentleman enough to see her to the door. ]

[breakingmyheart]

[And once they're there, she can't resist leaning in to kiss his cheek. It might be the last chance she gets before she's politely but firmly told that their relationship won't weather anything more than strictly platonic affection.]

See you later.

[And off she goes.]