breakingmyheart | 2.15

[She's probably slept for less than ten hours in the last week, and after feeling the immense consciousness of the Barge recede from the edges of her mind she just feels hollow. But at least she's herself. Getting to the bridge and having the dials and buttons at your command is one thing, she supposes - being directly connected to that sort of power is another.

It makes sense, now, that her conscious mind shied away from it for over a month - it felt like waking up to find you're steering a speeding car with a single fingertip. Too much fear to admit you've lost control - too much adrenaline to avoid overreaching. Too much despair and directionless frustration to hold back the part of yourself that wants to crash.

Toshiko hasn't looked at her communicator more than once or twice since she came in here. Maybe her punishment is being decided, or maybe the threats and recriminations are still flying. She just wishes they could just collectively decide to beat her to death with a hammer or torture her for a week or whatever the worst suggestion happens to be and then spit on her body and then call it over with. It's not martyrdom for her - what would she be martyring herself to? - no, it's closure for them. She doesn't doubt that once she's out of Zero it'll happen anyway, for all she knows it might happen while she's still here, so why pretend?

Lying flat on the top bunk, she closes her eyes and doesn't sleep.]

[OOC: If anyone is planning to do any more than talk at this point, as far as I know they'll have at least one Warden to contend with so ping me on plurk or AIM and let me know so we can talk it over! Please also keep in mind that an Inmate will need the permission or accompaniment of their Warden to enter Zero.

Also, fair warning, Tosh is not going to be chatty with people who are or have been threatening or hostile. She's still not particularly rational and in some cases she'd much rather get her ass kicked than have a conversation right now.]

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Christ. [She wraps her hands around the bars, leaning forward until she feels her forehead touch the cool metal.]

What is going on? I haven't...

[She shakes her head.]

I haven't kept tabs.

Rex is forgetting who his friends are, and stirring things up. He's just mad about how he was treated when he did something bad, back in the day.

He forgets who stood with him just a couple of months ago.

[ He shouldn't be surprised. All this rips at the epiphany he had; sure, he can determine his own destiny. He can be who he chooses to be, who he wants to be. ]

[ Nobody will ever love him for it, though. At least there are some constants in life. He does good poorly, even if he means well, and people will still eventually hate him for not being like-them enough. Whether it's different skin or different thinking -- he's feels like he's probably on his own. ]

Everybody has something to say. None of it's very good. Guess I should pity what inmate gets stuck with me. We'll never have barge support for anything.

[ But he's not surprised by that either, really. ]

Edited 2013-04-04 19:35 (UTC)

[Rex. If he's leading the charge it doesn't surprise her in the slightest.]

You don't -

[Have to speak up on my behalf, she wants to say. You don't have to defend me. I'm not asking you to, I don't want you to burn all your bridges over something I did. But after it took him so much to get to a point where he's confident in his ability to determine his own fate? She's not going to tell him what he can and can't do. Besides, it'd just be ego to assume he's doing anything for her.]

You don't need to be around for all this. You should go home, sort things out. Like you said.

Leave? Now?

[ He knows he needs to -- he needs to do something right by that crap city. He just-- doesn't know what. Maybe not going back is best. Someone will rise and fight Titan, right? Doesn't have to be him. ]

Sorry. Not yet. I can't -- go yet. I need to make sure... things will be okay, here.

[She smiles bleakly.]

Things won't be okay until I've graduated. Or disappeared. It's not worth waiting, Megamind - you've graduated, you need to think about you right now.

As an inmate, that's exactly who I thought of. Me and what I want and getting to the prize. Shouldn't a warden be thinking of more than that?

[ so far, few of his examples were good. ]

It can wait. It can all wait. I've got nothing but time here, don't I? Whole point of the thing; being one step out of time, where nothing goes on without you.

I thought that as well. That other things were more important, and....and I had all the time I'd ever need to put my house in order.

[The 'look how that turned out' doesn't bear saying out loud.]

Sometimes it can't wait.

[ he winces, just a little ]

Two brilliant peas in a pod, huh?

[ More alike than he ever realized. ]

Soon. I'll go soon. Before I get paired.

Good. That's...that's for the best.

[ He didn't say that he wasn't going anywhere until the furor went down, or till the mob calmed, or any of that. It'd be like saying 'I'm not going at all'. Setting himself up for failure, that was. ]

[ Instead, he just put his hands on his narrow hips, and looked away. ]

[ It was like a rather sad but poignant photo-op; Megamind, genius, at a loss for words. ]

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