breakingmyheart | 2.15

2.15 - Spam

[She's probably slept for less than ten hours in the last week, and after feeling the immense consciousness of the Barge recede from the edges of her mind she just feels hollow. But at least she's herself. Getting to the bridge and having the dials and buttons at your command is one thing, she supposes - being directly connected to that sort of power is another.

It makes sense, now, that her conscious mind shied away from it for over a month - it felt like waking up to find you're steering a speeding car with a single fingertip. Too much fear to admit you've lost control - too much adrenaline to avoid overreaching. Too much despair and directionless frustration to hold back the part of yourself that wants to crash.

Toshiko hasn't looked at her communicator more than once or twice since she came in here. Maybe her punishment is being decided, or maybe the threats and recriminations are still flying. She just wishes they could just collectively decide to beat her to death with a hammer or torture her for a week or whatever the worst suggestion happens to be and then spit on her body and then call it over with. It's not martyrdom for her - what would she be martyring herself to? - no, it's closure for them. She doesn't doubt that once she's out of Zero it'll happen anyway, for all she knows it might happen while she's still here, so why pretend?

Lying flat on the top bunk, she closes her eyes and doesn't sleep.]

[OOC: If anyone is planning to do any more than talk at this point, as far as I know they'll have at least one Warden to contend with so ping me on plurk or AIM and let me know so we can talk it over! Please also keep in mind that an Inmate will need the permission or accompaniment of their Warden to enter Zero.

Also, fair warning, Tosh is not going to be chatty with people who are or have been threatening or hostile. She's still not particularly rational and in some cases she'd much rather get her ass kicked than have a conversation right now.]

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[ It took him a while to work to where he could come down here. Especially after Rex; a new betrayal, fresh and hurtful, left him sulking in the lair with the music turned up loud to drown out a multitude of voices - one of which was in his own head. (Bernard has suggestions. None of them are good.) ]

[ Eventually, though, he slinks out of his room. He's always thought the admiral put him here for a reason: the floor right above the cells. As if to tell him he was merely one step above his old lock down. Now? He tries not too hard to think on it. ]

[ He goes down. He turns over both his DE-Gun and his warden item-- his watch-- to the guards on duty, and once he gains some privacy -- heads toward Toshiko's cell. ]

Hey. You awake?

Megamind...? I'm awake.

[She climbs down carefully and goes to the bars, just barely making eye contact.]

...hi.

Are you alright?

[ Megamind touches his face, briefly, gingerly. ]

Chris thought --

Chris thought that my first act as a warden was to kidnap his and hold him hostage.

Isn't that a gas? I finally graduate and the first thing I get accused of is kidnapping a guy who broke my fingers as an inmate, never made amends, and now, of course, as a warden-- I took revenge on him because obviously, no one can stop me.

Then again, from what's going on-- it seems the general school of thought here.

[ He's weary. Figures the only place that feels safe is the one with the cell. What's that about never being able to go home again? ]

Christ. [She wraps her hands around the bars, leaning forward until she feels her forehead touch the cool metal.]

What is going on? I haven't...

[She shakes her head.]

I haven't kept tabs.

Rex is forgetting who his friends are, and stirring things up. He's just mad about how he was treated when he did something bad, back in the day.

He forgets who stood with him just a couple of months ago.

[ He shouldn't be surprised. All this rips at the epiphany he had; sure, he can determine his own destiny. He can be who he chooses to be, who he wants to be. ]

[ Nobody will ever love him for it, though. At least there are some constants in life. He does good poorly, even if he means well, and people will still eventually hate him for not being like-them enough. Whether it's different skin or different thinking -- he's feels like he's probably on his own. ]

Everybody has something to say. None of it's very good. Guess I should pity what inmate gets stuck with me. We'll never have barge support for anything.

[ But he's not surprised by that either, really. ]

Edited 2013-04-04 19:35 (UTC)

[Rex. If he's leading the charge it doesn't surprise her in the slightest.]

You don't -

[Have to speak up on my behalf, she wants to say. You don't have to defend me. I'm not asking you to, I don't want you to burn all your bridges over something I did. But after it took him so much to get to a point where he's confident in his ability to determine his own fate? She's not going to tell him what he can and can't do. Besides, it'd just be ego to assume he's doing anything for her.]

You don't need to be around for all this. You should go home, sort things out. Like you said.

Leave? Now?

[ He knows he needs to -- he needs to do something right by that crap city. He just-- doesn't know what. Maybe not going back is best. Someone will rise and fight Titan, right? Doesn't have to be him. ]

Sorry. Not yet. I can't -- go yet. I need to make sure... things will be okay, here.

[She smiles bleakly.]

Things won't be okay until I've graduated. Or disappeared. It's not worth waiting, Megamind - you've graduated, you need to think about you right now.

As an inmate, that's exactly who I thought of. Me and what I want and getting to the prize. Shouldn't a warden be thinking of more than that?

[ so far, few of his examples were good. ]

It can wait. It can all wait. I've got nothing but time here, don't I? Whole point of the thing; being one step out of time, where nothing goes on without you.

I thought that as well. That other things were more important, and....and I had all the time I'd ever need to put my house in order.

[The 'look how that turned out' doesn't bear saying out loud.]

Sometimes it can't wait.

[ he winces, just a little ]

Two brilliant peas in a pod, huh?

[ More alike than he ever realized. ]

Soon. I'll go soon. Before I get paired.

Good. That's...that's for the best.

[ He didn't say that he wasn't going anywhere until the furor went down, or till the mob calmed, or any of that. It'd be like saying 'I'm not going at all'. Setting himself up for failure, that was. ]

[ Instead, he just put his hands on his narrow hips, and looked away. ]

[ It was like a rather sad but poignant photo-op; Megamind, genius, at a loss for words. ]

[It's curiosity that brings her here. She's staying out of whatever the mob is deciding, because what she thinks Tosh deserves likely doesn't mesh with anyone on the ship. But it doesn't matter what she thinks, because she isn't going to act on it. She only wants to find out how. It's a puzzle she wants solved.

It's interesting, overall, because if Tosh had been a man, she may have been plotting revenge. But she isn't, and Lisbeth doesn't really care.

Lisbeth quietly pulls up a chair and sits next to Tosh's cell. She lights a cigarette and doesn't say anything, doesn't even really look at the woman. Not for a while. Eventually, she looks up.]

I imagine you're not up to speaking to people. Especially strangers.

Edited 2013-04-04 18:44 (UTC)

[For a while she doesn't say anything. Long enough for her to step outside herself and wonder if she's going to say anything. Then, eventually, she finds herself drawing breath.]

Not really.

[She exhales a stream of smoke and glances away.]

You mentioned you weren't in full control. [A beat.] I'm curious, and I have questions, though if you are certain you will not answer them, I will not pry.

[It's honestly impossible to tell if this can be taken at face value or if she's gathering ammunition.

On the other hand, what the hell does it matter.]

I can't guarantee anything.

[Which is as much of a 'go ahead and ask' as she feels like she can honestly offer right now.]

Edited 2013-04-04 19:36 (UTC)

[Dean offered to be one of the people not out to lynch Tosh and, despite continually finding himself hip deep in the debate, he meant it. He's not interested in making any kind of stand. He just wants to hold the line.

So he doesn't talk much while he's down here, periodically checking his communicator though he never says anything while it's his shift. He knows she's awake. He used to do the same damn thing, so did his brother. It's in the breathing.

And then, two days after it all came crashing down, two hours into his murder watch, Dean breaks his resigned silence while still staring at his communicator, coming to a decision.]

Alright, I'll bite. You willing to talk to me at all?

[For a while, the only indicator she's heard him at all is the brief hitch in her breathing.]

I'll talk. But I don't know if I'll be able to tell you what you want to know.

[He waits. Not like he has much else to do for the next couple hours anyway, and then he nods.]

I'm used to it. A lotta people're running their mouths, and your boyfriend's doing a lotta that, but I haven't heard you weigh in on any of it. Seems to me you'd be the person to ask... how you feel about this entire clusterfuck.

[She's not in his line of sight but the bitter smile comes through in her voice.]

How I feel caused half this mess in the first place. I don't think my opinion really...matters, at this point.

Actually, I'm pretty sure it's about the only one that matters at this point.

[Similarly, his shrug a moment is likely audible, and the slightly odd tone his voice takes, discernible as no single emotion.]

I'm not saying being sorry is enough. I'm not saying I know what is. I'm saying that if you're not, no one's gonna get anywhere no matter what they think.

So, the question stands: What's going on?

Edited 2013-04-12 00:30 (UTC)

Of course I'm not sorry. How can I be sorry when I'm not capable of empathy? I just...hate everyone on this ship and I wanted to see them in pain. That's all.

[Her voice is completely dull and she makes no attempt to conceal the obviousness of the lie. She can't raise her voice loud enough to talk over the prevailing narrative; she's not even going to try.]

[Dean's mouth presses into a thin line at that.]

Yeah, you can keep with the sarcasm, or when someone asks you what's going on you could try answering.

I'm trying here. I'm not exactly made of patience or forgiveness but I'm trying.

[It's not sarcasm. Sarcasm implies some kind of anger or at least resistance; this is neither. It's defeat or acceptance or both, and her voice is still quiet and there's no passion in it.]

Would you accept that I just...don't know yet?

Not forever, but if that's what you got, then that's what you got.

[He doesn't sound happy about it. He's not. But it's not like she's going anywhere for a couple more days at least and it's not like they got along very well even before all this.

He hadn't really been expecting an answer, but mostly at least if few enough other people do, maybe she'll remember that he asked.]

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