2.8 - Text

[breakingmyheart]

[Approximately present-dated, i.e. Thursday evening.]

[Warden Filter]

I know the aftermath of this port is going to be subject to a lot of 'who did what'. To avoid speculation regarding this one matter, I will report that I drugged and killed my Inmate Erik Lensherr on Tuesday evening while under the influence of the environment.  My state of mind was altered significantly; I can't rationalise my behaviour after the fact.

[Bullshit you can't, Tosh.]

He and I will discuss what happens next.

[Private to Erik]

Apologising wouldn't even cover it. I can't account for what I did.

If you believe it's the best course of action then I will request reassignment immediately.

[Private to Megamind]

Are you alright?

Please

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[breakingmyheart]

[Toshiko catches that, and smiles.] Yes.

[She turns to kiss his cheek before settling back into the sofabed.]

...I think what to call this place is a bit of a sticking point. You'll get people who say that thinking of it as a prison will just make things worse, and I'll admit, it's got very little in common with the short stretch I served. But I don't know. As an Inmate, you can't leave, so if you have to compare it to anything...

[She shrugs one shoulder.]

But maybe it's better not to call it anything besides what it is.

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[megamind]

I -- have a lot of thoughts on that. Maybe I'll put some of them down. I don't think people who are doing their jobs as wardens realize what they can be seen as, what they mean to people like me.

Maybe it'll help them stop being jerks. Or realize that this is less prison, more... something else. But it's still someplace we can't leave on pain of death, you know?

I just-- don't think that people grasp the enormity of that, sometimes. They just figure we'll all be willing to live to change our lives. But some of us never will be.

[ ...he thinks he's part of the latter. Mostly. Sometimes. Some days, he thinks of Roxanne and Jules, and he wonders. ]

[ He tightens his grip on her shoulders for a moment, and then relaxes again. ]

Can you leave, as a warden? Go home, visit, whatever?

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[breakingmyheart]

As a warden, yes. For myself...there wouldn't be any point.

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[megamind]

The whole--timeline and--[ dead thing ] world stuff?

Can you go to other places if you want? Other times and spaces, that sort of thing?

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[breakingmyheart]

Yes.

[She's quiet for long enough to give his next question some thought.]

I think if I have a particular time and place in mind when I've finished here, then yes. Kay actually invited me back to his world, to his agency, as it happens. [She still has his card somewhere. She draws a deep breath.] But as far as I know that's something the Admiral will only do for you once, so...when I do go, I have to be sure.

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[megamind]

[ Megamind is very quiet for a time, thoughtful on how that all plays out. He thinks of his idea -- and finally settles on a small confession. ]

I want to graduate.

[ He hasn't told anyone this, specifically. Not really. Not in so many words. ]

Not-- not to be good or conform or even save me own skin. But -- because if I can, I can get a deal of my own and I can-- I can save my system. Two worlds, billions of lives. I could-- find a way to stop the sun, or save them or move them or something.

But if I save those worlds...

I won't--

I don't know that I'll exist after that. Like I do now. Or if I'll have to die or change or something.

But-- that's what I want. I don't want to graduate to be good, or do any of these stupid things that people tell me I should, but... because those worlds didn't have to die. Shouldn't be lost forever.

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[breakingmyheart]

[Idiot, she wants to say. You want to get out of here so you can save billions of strangers, risking the annihilation of your own identity in the process, and you're sitting here telling me it's not because you want to be good.

Idiot.

But she can't say that, and she can't imagine what else she would say, so instead she leans over abruptly and kisses him.]

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[megamind]

[ It's math. And a complete lack of self-worth. ]

[ But mostly math; math that says one guy's life, one guy who is not loved or wanted and does not belong anywhere, against billions of lives, lost culture, hundreds of thousands of years of history -- what does one guy count against all that? ]

[ He doesn't count for much. Besides, what does he have going for him, other than... this? Which isn't shabby, admittedly, but-- in the scheme of things, he is merely a speck of stardust struggling against the inevitable. ]

[ Not the man kissing Toshiko, no. Just stardust that doesn't know it's already dead and decaying. ]

[ There's nothing more to say about it now, though. Toshiko Sato is kissing him, and he thinks they both need the contact right now. He's not sure what it is about physical contact that can make so much better with so little, but still. ]

[ He could get used to it. ]