[A sympathetic sorry, not a culpable one, blunt and yet sincere.]
But for me...it didn't change what I'd done, but it changed me. I already felt guilty, but not enough to really stop blaming her, or my situation, or...anything except admitting that it was on me.
When I was down there, I heard her screaming. Reliving what I'd done to her was part of what you did to me, right next to burning alive. And that part I brought on myself, and there wasn't any way left not to face that. The connection was obvious and inescapable. And yet...if being confronted with the harm I'd done made me suffer enough to qualify as torture, then. Then it was like proof that I wasn't too callous, that I wasn't irredeemable.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-08-01 01:48 am (UTC)[A sympathetic sorry, not a culpable one, blunt and yet sincere.]
But for me...it didn't change what I'd done, but it changed me. I already felt guilty, but not enough to really stop blaming her, or my situation, or...anything except admitting that it was on me.
When I was down there, I heard her screaming. Reliving what I'd done to her was part of what you did to me, right next to burning alive. And that part I brought on myself, and there wasn't any way left not to face that. The connection was obvious and inescapable. And yet...if being confronted with the harm I'd done made me suffer enough to qualify as torture, then. Then it was like proof that I wasn't too callous, that I wasn't irredeemable.
It...bizarre as it sounds, it gave me hope.